


Warm Me Up in a Nova's Glow

by BowleggedNerd



Category: Supernatural
Genre: BAM! Destiel is born, Dean's Soul, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Post-Episode: s03e16 No Rest For The Wicked, Pre-Episode: s04e01 Lazarus Rising, Profound Bond, Raised You From Perdition, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-05
Updated: 2015-11-05
Packaged: 2018-04-29 21:20:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5142824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BowleggedNerd/pseuds/BowleggedNerd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*Takes place between 3x16 and 4x01*</p><p>Alistair's torturing methods push Dean almost to the point of no return. He was promised to be taken off the rack if he picked up a blade, but that was a goddamned lie. There is no getting off, not really. The physical torture may have been temporary, but the psychological torment was constant. Dean was already self-depreciating enough in life, but here in hell? There aren't words for how much he absolutely hated himself. But then he saw the light.</p><p>And the light saw him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Warm Me Up in a Nova's Glow

Pain.

That was all Dean knew in life and now in death. Just as that hellhound ripped through his skin, it shred the veil, allowing him to slip through its tears. He knew that day would come. Hell, he knew it a year in advanced when he first made the deal. He would've been perfectly okay with dying, but knowing that his pain-in-the-ass little brother would be left to fend for himself in a world that wasn't exactly pro-Winchester scared him above all else.

But despite that, Dean didn't regret his decision. Sam was vertical, and that was enough for him. Those couple of days watching Sam's corpse rot on that bed hurt more than anything; more than his mom's death, dad's, anyone's. Protecting Sammy was Dean's number one priority and he screwed it up, so this deal was his way of fixing  _and_ paying for it.

Dean was terrified of the pit, more so than he'd ever let anyone know, but it was worth it. He would endure all the rings of Dante's  _Inferno_ just to keep his little brother breathing. But nothing,  _nothing_ could've prepared him for the true horrors of hell.

From the second Dean got downstairs, he was thrown onto the rack. Large hooks were speared through his body, stringing him up and stretching him every which way. To say it hurt was a bit of an understatement, and it only got worse from there.

Enter Alistair. Picasso with the razor. The head of the torturing department at Hell Inc. The big boss. Of course Dean was his subject. Since when was a Winchester ever let off easy?

Alistair spent days, months,  _years_ torturing him. His blade knew every inch of Dean's body, inside and out. Dean would literally be in pieces only for Alistair to put him back together again and start over. But his punishment wasn't just physical.

Dean's flesh and spirit was obliterated. The mind games Alistair would play on him were beyond cruel. His worst memories and nightmares were on repeat: his mother's screams as she burned alive on the ceiling; the beating his father gave him that one night Sam ran away in Flagstaff; the night Sam left for Stanford; watching Jake cut clean through Sam's spinal cord. All of that running through his mind as Alistair ran his razor through his body until he couldn't take it anymore.

Dean took Alistair up on his offer: the torturee became the torturer. The first person he sliced into was named Rose. She screamed for mercy, not understanding why Dean - a human - was doing this to her and why he wouldn't stop. He sobbed the entire time he tortured her. Needless to say, he didn't learn the names of any of his other victims after that.

It was best to dehumanize them, as awful as that sounds, but it made it a little bit easier. Dean tried to tell himself that the people who met him and his blade were in hell for a reason and that they truly deserved it. Deep down, he knew that was a damn lie.

He lost count of how many souls he carved into. He ignored the encouragements Alistair would whisper in his ear. He just tried to detach himself as best he could because he couldn't face the man he had become, if he even was one anymore.

One day, or however you measure time in hell, Dean was twisting his razor into the kidney of a young man when he felt it, something he hadn't felt in a long time: safe. A warm, bright light washed over and briefly blinded him. The only thing he felt was salvation and a grip on his left shoulder.

Suddenly, Dean was ascending at warp speed, catching the screams and cries of people as he passed. He didn't know what was happening or why, but whatever - whoever - had a hold on him made him feel whole again. It was as if this mysterious being was piecing his soul back together, which was a pleasant change from Alistair's constant dismantling of him.

Whatever this presence was also made Dean feel something he had never felt before: unconditional love. Sure, the love between him and Sam was unconditional, but that was a brother/family thing. This was something else, something deeper.

This  _thing_ believed in Dean, he could feel it. It saw something in him worth saving despite the fact that he didn't think so. It knew that he was butchering people; hell, it plucked him while he was doing it, but that's the thing. It saved him anyway.

The sounds of hell became distant, the hand clutching his shoulder never wavering. But then everything went black, and all Dean could sense was the smell of a pine wood box and dirt.

* * *

Save Dean Winchester.

That was the order Castiel's superiors gave him. The order God gave them.

Castiel circled his vessel near where Dean was laid to rest in Pontiac, Illinois. The sooner he obtained a vessel, the sooner he could begin his mission. Jimmy Novak was a devout Christian who prayed for some greater purpose, which Castiel was more than willing to provide.

Castiel had never possessed a human prior Jimmy. The world looked and felt so different afterward. Being a celestial being had its perks: having the ability to move fluidly, see  _everything._ But life through a human's eyes, through a human's body, was beautiful. He felt the chill of the air across his cheeks, which was absolutely exhilarating. Everything was so solid, so stimulating.

Castiel's brothers and sisters had always told him what a drag it was to possess a human, but so far, he didn't see what they meant. Whether that was blasphemous or not didn't much concern him, especially with the magnitude of the mission he had been assigned.

With a flap of his wings, Castiel stood at Dean's grave. There was something residual that he could feel emanating from underground. It was genuine; pure, even. It was Dean's soul.

Castiel - for reasons he couldn't explain - longed for that feeling in its entirety. He  _needed_ it.

With renewed conviction, Castiel descended into hell, following the residue of Dean's soul. The more he traveled, the more he learned about him.

Dean was a friend who believed in you and whose loyalty never wavered once the foundation of trust was laid.

Dean was a selfless man who put others miles ahead of himself, partly because he felt that he wasn't worth it but mostly because that's just who he was.

Dean was a hero who never backed down and always stayed true to his word.

But more than anything, Dean was a righteous man whether he chose to believe it or not. No matter how beat down and broken hell had made him, he was still all of those things to Castiel.

At last, he found him.

Prior to actually raising Dean, Castiel truly felt out of place. He knew he had always been different than the rest of the angels, but he tried his hardest to fit in, to fill the empty void of his being. After latching onto Dean's shoulder, Castiel felt whole for once in the millennias he had existed. It was profound.

Castiel deposited Dean's soul and restored his body before standing next to the grave once more, screaming at the top of his lungs so every angel in high heaven could hear.

"Dean Winchester is saved."


End file.
